If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
I wish I loved anything as much as I hate almost everything.
"As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists."
- Joan Gussow
Shopping with your husband is like hunting with the game warden.
When I was little, I didn't care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me; looking back at some of my old pictures, it's obvious that my parents didn't care either.
If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced; that's why people with no sense of humor have an increased sense of self-importance.
When your toddlers are teenagers, don't forget to wake them up at 4:45am to tell them your socks came off.
4 out of 3 people struggle with math.
Don't be condescending (that's when you talk down to people).
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.