One-liners

"In dog years, I'm dead." - Unknown

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

George Burns has some of the best one-liners!

George: Gracie, did the nurse ever happen to drop you on your head when you were a baby?

Gracie: Oh no! We couldn't afford a nurse, my mother had to do it herself.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - unknown

I just got lost in thought; it was unfamiliar territory.

Tomorrow, which isn't even here yet, will never be the day after tomorrow again.

If anything is on your mind, get it off your chest.

I am not contradicting you!

If I had known how successful I was going to be, I wouldn't have worked so hard when I was young!

The trouble with you is that there's nothing wrong with you.

English is the Lingua Franca par excellence!

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I am going to be healthy if it kills me.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer; I saw it through my binoculars last night.