"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail." - Unknown
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Statistics show that statistics can't be trusted.
No one goes there anymore; it's too crowded.
I would give my dad what he really wants on Father's Day, but I can't afford to move out yet.
Camping is nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Dodgeball: America's twist on stoning.
Shopping with your husband is like hunting with the game warden.
My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.
Gonna stop making arbitrary deadlines: starting today.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.