If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced; that's why people with no sense of humor have an increased sense of self-importance.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
When your toddlers are teenagers, don't forget to wake them up at 4:45am to tell them your socks came off.
4 out of 3 people struggle with math.
Don't be condescending (that's when you talk down to people).
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Children will soon forget your presents; they will always remember your presence.
If people could be paid to die for us, they'd get rich.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
A day without sunshine is like, night.