One-liners

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

A mobile phone in someone's hand as they scroll.If you take a social media sabbatical, don't announce it, just make your last post something fun like, "I wonder if there's a bear in this cave?"

A young woman sitting in front of an open book, head resting on her hand, looking bored.People who say "go big or go home" seriously underestimate my willingness to go home - like, it's literally my only goal for most of the day.

A young woman with very curly dark hair, tongue in cheek looking up and to her left.Mind-blowing - Every "C" in Pacific Ocean is pronounced differently.

A young man looking directly at us with a somber expression.If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive ... they would eventually find me attractive.

A black & white image of a middle-aged man resting his face on the palm of his hand with his eyes closed.I'm awake, but in the same way that a single bar of WIFI is "connected."

A woman with a long braid and a blue shirt, arms crossed looking annoyed.The fact that my entire body cracks like a glowstick whenever I move and yet refuses to actually glow is very disappointing.

A man sitting on a couch, sleaves rolled up, book in hand, glasses on, looking directly toward us.So why is it that when Star Trek characters "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always find someone there?

A man in a white shirt, leaning forward with his arms resting on his legs, looking directly at us.I don't always carry all the groceries with one arm, but when I do my keys are in the wrong pocket.

A man with dark hair, glasses and dress shirt, pointing at us with both hands with a "gotcha" grin.A man loses three fingers in a work accident.

At the hospital he askes he doctor, "Will I be able to drive with this hand?"

The doctor replies, "Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."

An AI image of a man in a green t-shirt, beard, moustache, eyes wide and hands raised, astounded.My girlfriend told me she found a picture of me from when i was a baby; it was just a picture she took during our last argument.

Black and white photo of a man in his 30s with black hair, glasses and short facial hair looking off to the side thinking.I told my wife to embrace her mistakes; she gave me a hug.

A man in his early thirties looking directly at us from inside a house with blurry stairs in the background.My wife said I ruined her birthday, but I don't understand how. I didn't even know it was her birthday.

A side view of a brown skinned man with a good looking haircut, left hand partially covering his mouth as he looks to his right disappointed.If a friend ever says they have a chocolate lab, do not get your hopes up when you are going to their house because they are just talking about a dog.

A man in a blue T-shirt and backwards baseball cap doing a hand-palm to his forehead.I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they've never even seen one of his paintings.

Close up of male hands on a steering wheel.My Grandpa reached 110 yesterday; that's the last time I get in the car with him driving.

  1. One-Liner #2036
  2. One-Liner #2035
  3. One-Liner #2034
  4. One-Liner #2033

Page 1 of 137