One-liners

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of Charades.

I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven.

I am often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

I have good problem solving skills, but my problem creating skills are where I really shine! 

I'm so jealous of people who know how to shut up ... I shut up and subtitles come out my face. 

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right ... We do have food at home.

The secret to a clean kitchen is simple - Don't cook. Ever.

Ctrl + Alt + Del: Control yourself + Alter your thinking + Delete negativity.

Yesterday a friend gave me a plant and said that on the day it blooms, I'll meet my soulmate. Today it was eaten by my cat.

Two incomes are better than one so make sure your partner has two jobs. Follow me for more financial freedom advice!

Imagine a cereal so bad that 2 scoops of raisins made it better.

Camping: Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.

When you think about it, it's the worst possible place for her to sell seashells.

My heart says pie and ice cream, but my jeans say, please, please, please, eat a salad!

Some people should use a glue stick instead of chapstick.