Ctrl + Alt + Del: Control yourself + Alter your thinking + Delete negativity.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Yesterday a friend gave me a plant and said that on the day it blooms, I'll meet my soulmate. Today it was eaten by my cat.
Two incomes are better than one so make sure your partner has two jobs. Follow me for more financial freedom advice!
Imagine a cereal so bad that 2 scoops of raisins made it better.
Camping: Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
When you think about it, it's the worst possible place for her to sell seashells.
My heart says pie and ice cream, but my jeans say, please, please, please, eat a salad!
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chapstick.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream.
I understand why we need warning labels on products but I think they should start including the back story of why the warning was necessary ... just to spice things up.
If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
- Just Bill @WilliamAder
Do twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned?
The 'ea' in 'tea' is silent.
At some point you will find someone who is obsessed with you and wants all your time; that person is your manager at work.