One-liners

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

A woman with a long braid and a blue shirt, hands on hips looking in disbelief and shock.I made my wife's dreams come true and we got married in a castle - but you wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.

Two wooden chess pieces with more blurred chess pieces in the background.Life is like a game of chess; I don't know how to play chess.

An AI image of a man in a teal shirt with his hands raised in a questioning gesture.They say "the machines of the future" will be as smart as people ... OK, but WHICH people? Because it kinda matters quite a bit.

An archeologist or a paleontologist sitting at the side of a dig-site recording notes on a pad of paper.Paleontologists recently unearthed the largest tibia ever recorded ...

It was quite the shindig.

Five ducks, two different species, swimming in a clump but facing three different directions.My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they're having fun; your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

woman winkChoose a major you love and you'll never work a day in your life ... because that field isn't hiring.

A young woman with long curly hair and an orange winter coat looking at us pleasantly.My husband just fixed all of my anxiety... He said, "Just don't worry about it" and I can't believe I didn't think of that myself.

A woman with long braid and blue button down shirt looking very happy.According to my chocolate Advent calendar, there are only 3 days until Christmas.

A jumble of beautifully wrapped gits, with pink as the prominent color.Holiday Safety Tip:

If your birth year starts with 19, you should no longer wrap gifts on the floor.

Man sitting on the couch leaning forward with a book in his hands.Not saying I'm old, but ... When I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Bald man with glasses and blue striped shirt and tie looking directly at us with intensity.I dance like people wish they weren't watching.

Man sitting on the couch leaning forward with a book in his hands.I had a job selling security alarms door to door and I was really good at it. If no one was home I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

A young man in a red checked shirt, hands clasped behind his head looking shocked.I just found out I'm colorblind; the diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

Two Asian men laughing.Some people are like clouds; once they disappear it's a beautiful day.

A woman in a blue shirt with a long braid looking sad.Nobody told me that when you get a husband, the ears are sold separately.

  1. One-Liner #1974
  2. One-Liner #1973
  3. One-Liner #1972
  4. One-Liner #1971

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