I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
What WAS the best thing 'before' sliced bread?
Children seldom misquote you; in fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of bread.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"?
"In dog years, I'm dead." - Unknown
I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.
George Burns has some of the best one-liners!
George: Gracie, did the nurse ever happen to drop you on your head when you were a baby?
Gracie: Oh no! We couldn't afford a nurse, my mother had to do it herself.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - unknown
I just got lost in thought; it was unfamiliar territory.