Tomorrow, which isn't even here yet, will never be the day after tomorrow again.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
If anything is on your mind, get it off your chest.
I am not contradicting you!
If I had known how successful I was going to be, I wouldn't have worked so hard when I was young!
The trouble with you is that there's nothing wrong with you.
English is the Lingua Franca par excellence!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I am going to be healthy if it kills me.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer; I saw it through my binoculars last night.
If you answer the phone and say, "Hello, you're on the air" most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things; but I laugh more.
What do they put for 'hair color' on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?