One-liners

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Children will soon forget your presents; they will always remember your presence.

If people could be paid to die for us, they'd get rich.

"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."

- Nora Ephron

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?

I intend to live forever; so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.