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One-liners

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

One-liner #1326

man outragedThe last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

  • One-liners
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One-liner #1325

donutsPLOT TWIST: Maybe eating a doughnut wasn't cheating on my diet; maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnuts.

  • Diet One-liners
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  • Logic One-liners

One-liner #1324

car vwHow to parallel park:

Park somewhere else.

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One-liner #1323

man thinkingThe human brain is amazing; it functions 24/7 from the day we're born and only stops when you're taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

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One-liner #1322

woman2Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is called John.

  • Logic One-liners
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  • Self-Annihilating One-liners

One-liner #1321

weaselI didn't hear that!

  • Logic One-liners
  • Self-Annihilating One-liners

One-liner #1320

woman6She ran the gamut of emotions - from A to B.

  • Accuracy One-liners
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  • Self-Annihilating One-liners

One-liner #1319

man upsetThe solution makes the problem more difficult.

  • Logic One-liners
  • Description One-liners
  • Self-Annihilating One-liners

One-liner #1318

man officeAnyone who reads this is illiterate!

  • Logic One-liners
  • Self-Annihilating One-liners

One-liner #1317

woman shrugI am certain of it, but I may be wrong.

  • Logic One-liners
  • Self-Annihilating One-liners

One-liner #1316

woman3He's a unique type.

One-liner #1315

silver bullets one-linerSaw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning - or possibly just a very hairy guy; either way, the silver bullets worked.

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One-liner #1314

ambidextrous one-linerI'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

One-liner #1313

woman old3He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.

  • One-liners
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One-liner #1312

people cheeringCooperation can only be reached if we work together.

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  • Advice One-liners
  1. One-liner #1311
  2. One-liner #1310
  3. One-liner #1309
  4. One-liner #1308

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