I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.
Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.
Descriptions:
The pirate skeletons at Disneyland are very life-like.
Definitions:
A reactionary is a man who wants to face the past with confidence.
Definitions:
A university is a community in which people make a living by taking in each other's brainwashing.
Definitions:
Inflation is an economic device by which each man can make more than the next.
Definitions
Monism is the theory that anything less than everything is nothing.
Definitions:
That is that word which should be used instead of which.
Definitions
A formalist is a man who can't understand a theory unless it is meaningless.
Not knowing about Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' Horse.
My New Year's resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my TV.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
"I'm so pun at farties!"
- Major Mark W.
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
- Shirley Temple Black