One-liners

Self-Annihilating Sentence: Complaints

I may be omniscient, but don't expect me to know everything.

Self-Annihilating Sentence: Complaints

Health foods make me sick.

Self-Annihilating Sentence: Advice

If you want to think independently, you must imitate me.

Self-Annihilating Sentence

Nickels are a dime a dozen!

"I am myself, and I'm going to continue to play that role!"

- Richard Nixon

I used to think that marriage was a 50 - 50 proposition ... until I realized that I knew nothing about women or fractions.

- Walter McLauren

Even though I don't say so, I think you stink!

Acupuncture is pointless.

Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever?

Rehab is for quitters!

Profanity sucks.

Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator!

I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not sure if I believe it.

I have a twin brother - he's identical, but I am not.