I find it hard to believe that bears made porridge and the only thing wrong with it was the temperature.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
"She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said, 'There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair."
- Red Skelton
The word queue is ironic - it's just a 'q' with a bunch of silent letters waiting in a line.
Hike in groups; bears like to have options.
U-Haul has the worst drivers of any company!
I'm doing one of those escape rooms today ... well, work... I'm going to work, but trying to figure out how t get out of it.
About four minutes into my run, I've decided I want to work on my personality instead.
One minute you are young and cool, maybe even a little dangerous, and the next minute you are reading Amazon reviews for birdseed.
Behind every great man is the drawer I need to get into ... Why are you even in the kitchen right now?
Sometimes I use words I don't understand so I can sound more photosynthesis.
People are so judgmental - I can tell just by looking at them.
I keep hearing it takes a village to raise a child. Do they just show up, or is there a number to call?
To avoid straining your eyes when you're continuously working, follow the 20-20-20 rule; after 20 minutes of work, look at something 20 feet away, then spend 20 years in the forest.
@macabredarklingwaters
If you see a toilet in your dreams, DO NOT USE IT!
Chickens: The pet that poops breakfast!