My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are; but I laugh more.
I prefer McAfee anti-virus to the other leading software. I guess I'm just anti-Symantec.
"I'm going fishing."
Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
Click here to view this edition online!
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
The other day, Grandma Cybersalt sent me an email inviting me to a date: "Invitation: Septic Pump Out @ Thu Aug 4, 2022 8am - 12pm" Of course, I accepted right away because almost everything is better when I do it with Susan!
Actually, the reason behind this invitation was to keep our two calendars in sync and confirm the unspoken arrangement between us that Susan would book the appointment and I would greet the honey wagon when it arrives.
To make sure I keep up my end of the deal, Susan is out of town - but not by design. She flew to Toronto yesterday to bring our grandson back (on the same day) for a summertime visit. However, a storm caused a delay for one of their flights back and they were both stuck in Calgary last night.
This means that Susan will not be home for one other unspoken part of our deal, being: if the political promises tank truck shows up at 8:00am, she will not be able to wake me up to go out and do my part. But I'm not going to make a big stink about that because I know that "stuff" happens. Nothing is going to hit the fan when she gets back!
Speaking of stuff that happens, today's video share is one I may have already featured in the digest. It was filmed a few miles off shore from where we live and involves a killer whale and a seal. Here's a hint as to whether you want to watch it or not: "The killer whale wins." If you are one who tends to cheer for the seals, you might like to take a pass on this one.
Click here to watch.
~ Pastor Tim
"I'm going fishing."
Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means: "I have no idea how it works."
"We're going to be late."
Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means: "Are you still talking?"
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific."
Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
The best revenge is living well.
- Jerry Seinfeld
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
I prefer McAfee anti-virus to the other leading software. I guess I'm just anti-Symantec.
"Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds.
You can grow flowers, or you can grow weeds."
- William Wordsworth
German police caught a man playing the flute with both hands as he sped through traffic at 80 miles per hour on a busy highway, Wednesday.
"He was leaning back in the seat and steering the car with his knees and feet," said Bohnert Herzl a police spokes - person. "He looked like he'd had practice."
When caught, the 52-year-old told police he was not actually blowing the instrument. He was just practicing the "holding technique."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
On an airplane, I overheard a flight attendant talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it.
"It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
