The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
*Winners of a Recent Theory Testing Contest*
HONOURABLE MENTION:
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in"erl wells."
RUNNERS-UP:
#4 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.
"What are you doing?" his Mom asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
Click here to view this edition online!
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
After a longer than usual summer, we got some early snow at Cybersalt World Headquarters this week. It's all melted now, making it the best kind of snow!
Rev. Suneel Barkat and his wife would appreciate prayer as they try to find a new house in the part of Pakistan they are moving back to after a few years away doing nursing training. With the devastating floods of the summer, places to rent are scarce and life even harder for them in that country.
Today's video share is not a miracle (as it says in the title) but I am looking forward to trying this trick with superglue and cotton!
Click here to watch the video.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
These are from insurance forms in which drivers were asked to explain their disasters in the fewest words possible.
***************************
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn't have.
A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car.
The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.
As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the hood of my car.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met.
One wheel went into a ditch. My foot jumped from brake to accelerator, leaped across the road to the other side, and jumped into the trunk of a tree.
I had been driving for about 40 years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
I would imagine if you could understand morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
- Mitch Hedberg
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Baseball umpires want salary hikes.
The response from the owners is, "Yikes!
Can't afford increased pay."
So the union does say,
"Then our recourse is calling more strikes."
-* Kirk Miller
"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."
- Benjamin Franklin
When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit. One day a long form came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed it.
However, a few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read: "You are not permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure."
So I did.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!"
"Congratulations for what?" asks the lawyer.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
