My company had a successful year, and at the annual meeting, employees eagerly awaited the general manager's report on the performance of our branch.
"You are the role models of our company," he proudly announced. "I can tell you that whenever the owners talk about you and your office, they use nothing but expletives."
A stunned silence followed.
Then the manager blushed, cleared his throat, and added,
"I meant superlatives."
After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?"
It drives me nuts that so many people have abandoned basic English in their e-mailing and online messaging. Don't get me wrong. I am no master of the English language and I am not one of those grammar snobs who have given up being polite to people in the the zealous quest for the proper use of semi-colons. But I still like to have the odd period thrown into text communications to allow me to know when to stop one thought and begin another.
I am also a little leary about the shortening of words by removing letters in order to save time. For instance "im sry i dnt pss eng n sc so i tp ts wy" is far to vague to leave up to my imaginative mind (my guess would be "I'm sorry I didn't pass English in school so I type this way").
Again, I don't want to be fanatical about all of this. Sometimes taking letters from words can be fun. For instance, what 9 letter word in the English language continues to form another word each time you remove a letter from it? At least I think that's how the question goes - remember I'm no master in these things.
In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and a clock.
I told the students that when it was a large timepiece on a wall and not attached to your body, it was called a clock and when it was worn on your body that it was called a watch.
A few days later we had a power outage, and our classroom clocks had not been reset.
I asked Luis, who was wearing a wristwatch, for the time.
Luis looked at his wrist, and then confidently announced,
"It is exactly ten o'watch."
Two men were chatting casually at work over the water cooler. The conversation turned to golf and one asked the other, "Do you play?"
"Yes, the younger man replied, "I used to, but I quit because I wasn't very good. I consistently shot in the lower seventies."
There was a long, low intake of breath, then the other man said, "Lower seventies, huh?"
"Yes," his coworker said.
"Consistently?"
"Yup, Every hole," the younger man said with a sigh.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
