A coworker told me that I looked tired.
"I am," I said. "I just finished 50 push-ups."
"Oh really? When did you start doing push-ups?"
"Well, I did the first one in 1986."
The Westside Bible Church site has been updated with the recordings of last week's service and message. You can listen to "The Sin You Don't Confess" at:
http://www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/messages/
Enjoy the rest of today's digest.
Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument.
"It's pronounced 'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" Sherry said.
"I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied.
And so it went, all the way to the vacation. As they got off the airplane, they passed by a man. Morris abruptly stopped his wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and me. Is this 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'"
"This is Havaii," the man replied.
"Ha!" the husband gloated to his wife. "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me?"
As they began to walk away, Morris turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!"
"You're velcome!" he called back.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.
Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument.
"It's pronounced 'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" Sherry said.
"I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied.
And so it went, all the way to the vacation. As they got off the airplane, they passed by a man. Morris abruptly stopped his wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and me. Is this 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'"
"This is Havaii," the man replied.
"Ha!" the husband gloated to his wife. "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me?"
As they began to walk away, Morris turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!"
"You're Velcome!" he called back.
I probably shouldn't feature today's featured page, because whenever I mention the group it refers to I get lots of angry faxes. Oh well, let them fax - SERENITY NOW, SERENITY NOW!
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/nascar-amish-controversy
Enjoy the rest of today's digest.
The secretary in our mental-health clinic chose a new screensaver -- a picture of a dancing teapot playing the children's song "I'm a Little Teapot."
Seeing this, our child psychiatrist posted a message on the secretary's desk: "Your computer is suffering from an identity disorder."
Some say fleas are black.
But I know that is not so.
'Cause Mary had a little lamb
With fleas as white as snow.
~ Richard Lederer and James Ertner
"Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?"
"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
When I was younger, I remember receiving the inevitable homework assignment to write an essay on "something I am thankful for." Then I'd spend a lot of time sitting in my room trying to figure out just what in the world that could possibly be; and I'd end up writing down everything I could think of from God to environmental consciousness. But after having children, my priorities have clearly changed:
BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful to have been born the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes -- which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the back seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the freeway.
BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the recycling program which will preserve our natural resources and prevent the overloading of landfills.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for swim diapers because every time my son wanders into water in plain disposables, he ends up wearing a blimp the size of, say, New Jersey, on his bottom.
BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese -- without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of cereal and their own spit.
BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful to finish a complete thought without being interrupted.
BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for holistic medicine and natural herbs.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to "cause drowsiness" in young children.
BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for all of the teachers who had taught, encouraged and nurtured me throughout my formative years.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for all of the people at Weight Watcher who let me strip down to panty-hose and a strategically placed scarf before getting on the scale each week.
BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in exotic foreign countries so I could experience a different way of life in a new culture.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down the driveway to get the mail.
BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian cookbook.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for the Butterball turkey hot line.
BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my loved ones.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door.
BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for material objects like custom furniture, a nice car and trendy clothes.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good shoes.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
