One-liners

"Forget about world peace...visualize using your turn signal!"

"Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places."

"Gas prices are so high that when this college girl pulled into a gas station and asked for 2 dollar's worth, the attendant dabbed some behind her ears."

"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and get rid of him for the day!"

"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.; give a man a stick of dynamite and soon the whole village will be strewn with mud, seaweed, and unidentifiable chunks of fish."

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

"Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle."

"Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe."

"Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool - her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw."

"Grass grows in direct proportion to your unwillingness to mow it."

"Happiness can't buy money."

- Bob Hope

"Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked."

- Jeff Pesis

"Have a nice day...someplace else!"

"Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee."

"Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy."