One-liners

"Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that, within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?"

"Ditch the driving test for an I.Q. test."

"Do the right thing because one cookie would just be afraid by itself in the dark, right?"

"Do you find it strange that lemon juice is made with artificial flavor but dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?"

"Dogs lick you because they love you - cats lick you because you had chicken for dinner."

"Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."

"Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug."

"Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old - squash their toes with your rocker."

"Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive."

"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish."

- Mark Twain

"Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches."

"Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path."

"Don't you hate it when people can't sphel? "

"Due to the shape of the North American Elk's esophagus, even if it could speak, it could not pronounce the word lasagna."

- Cliff Clavin, Cheers

"Each year a healthy adult male consumes one and one-half times his weight in other peoples patience." ~John Updike