One-liners

"As a teenager you are in the last stage of life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."

~Fran Lebowitz

"As I said before, I never repeat myself."

"Ask me about my vow of silence."

"Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups."

"At my age, forget all the health food; I need all the preservatives I can get!"

"At my age, I can't see the forest OR the trees."

"At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all. I just can't remember it all."

"At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying."

"Ba-dee, ba-dee, ba-dee . . . . .that's all folks."

- Porky Pig

"Be different; Conform."

"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."

~Will Rogers

"Before resolving to jog five miles a day, visit a cardiologist to have your heart examined, a podiatrist to have your feet examined and a psychiatrist to have your head examined. "

"Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?"

"Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers."

"Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever."