One-liners

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."

~ Mark Twain

"Be different; Conform."

"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."

~Will Rogers

"Before resolving to jog five miles a day, visit a cardiologist to have your heart examined, a podiatrist to have your feet examined and a psychiatrist to have your head examined. "

"Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?"

"Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers."

"Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever."

"Buffet" is a French term that means, "Get up and get it yourself."

- Greg Ray

"Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without."

"By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you."

"By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends."

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?"

"Carbohydrates: The stuff that makes food taste good."

"Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture."

- Jacquelyn Mitchard