One-liners

"Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone - that's actually what caused many of their deaths ... pillow fights."

"Anytime you have a 50/50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong."

"Are there any side effects to these pills apart from bankruptcy?"

"Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?"

"As a child, I was the kind my mother wouldn't let me play with."

"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing."

"As a teenager you are in the last stage of life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."

~Fran Lebowitz

"As I said before, I never repeat myself."

"Ask me about my vow of silence."

"Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups."

"At my age, forget all the health food; I need all the preservatives I can get!"

"At my age, I can't see the forest OR the trees."

"At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all. I just can't remember it all."

"At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying."

"Ba-dee, ba-dee, ba-dee . . . . .that's all folks."

- Porky Pig