One-liners

"A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar werry samaarat end gudd lukeeng mak manee spallings misstake... Vatt iz yorr opeeneum?"

"A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one. He would have to ask an engineer to do that."

~Gordon L. Glegg, American Engineer, 1969

"A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it."

"A stitch in time would have confused Einstein."

"Accomplishing the impossible only means the boss will add it to your regular duties."

"According to the Academy of Incomplete Research, 9 out of 10."

"Actually if ya think about it, you really don't need a whole lot of manners if you're driving a 35 ton truck."

"After years of uneventfully ordering a side of bacon with breakfast, you can image my surprise at the side of beef I ordered last night for dinner."

- Scott E. Frank

"All good One-liners are one character too lon"

"All the world loves a lover - except people who are waiting to use the phone."

- Milton Berle

"Always keep several get well cards on the mantle - if unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean."

"Amazing - you hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!"

"Among the English language's many puzzling words is 'economy' which means the large size in toothpaste and the small size in automobiles."

"An employer is someone who is late when you're early and early when you're late."

"Anarchy is better than no government at all."