One-liners

"You don't need a twitter account cause Chuck Norris is already following you."

“The key to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

- Jean Giraudoux.

"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer."

"A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."

"A deceased atheist is a man who is all dressed up with no place to go!"

"A diplomatic husband said to his wife, 'How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?'"

"A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be."

"A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries."

"A healthy adult male consumes each year one-and-one-half times his own weight in other people's patience."

"A key ring is a gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once."

"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water."

­ Carl Reiner

"A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart

but he's not very bright."

"A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight."

"A penny saved is just another thing for the cat to knock off of the dresser."

"A procrastinator's work is never done."