One-liners

"Money isn't everything - just look at Henry Ford with all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!"

"The easiest way for me to tell if people are really listening to me is if they roll their eyes."

"Don't play stupid with me - I always win."

"The only thing to fear is fear itself... and spiders."

"The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with."

"I dream of a better tomorrow where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned."

"You don't need a twitter account cause Chuck Norris is already following you."

“The key to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

- Jean Giraudoux.

"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer."

"A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."

"A deceased atheist is a man who is all dressed up with no place to go!"

"A diplomatic husband said to his wife, 'How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?'"

"A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be."

"A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries."

"A healthy adult male consumes each year one-and-one-half times his own weight in other people's patience."