One-liners

"His eye is on the sparrow--and on the turkey, too!"

"Honk if you love Jesus! Text while driving if you want to meet Him."

"Hors D'oeuvres - A sandwich cut into 20 pieces."

"How do a fool and his money get together?"

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"

- Satchel Paige

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home."

~ Bill Cosby

"Hypochondriacs are sick."

"I am not stupid - everyone else is just smarter than me."

"I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me."

"I bought my Christmas tree today. I think I made a mistake though. I bought the three year extended warranty. I don't think I need that."

- Jay Leno

"I could enjoy my second childhood more if I was able to peddle my tricycle a little faster."

"I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top."

"I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?"

"I don't know why, but I've always found it difficult to make friends; know what I mean, Stupid?"

"I don't know, I'm not in shape yet."

~ Yogi Berra (when asked his cap size)