One-liners

"I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on, but I can't afford one so ... I'm wearing my garage door opener."

"I went to see Pavarotti once and I'll tell you this much, he doesn't like it when you join in."

"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."

"I worry we are spending so much time on the Internet we are losing our ability to connect with people on TV."

~@toddieC

"Ideas are great provided they don't degenerate into work."

"If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration then evidentially I keep sharing elevators with a lot of very intelligent people."

"If God intended us to eat seafood, why did He hide them underwater?"

- Ed Penland

"If houseplants ever take over the world, I'm probably going to be sitting in shackles at their version of the Nuremberg trials."

- Tim H. Richweis

"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?"

"If it is true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why mothers cry at weddings."

"If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?"

"If money won't make you happy, you won't like poverty either."

"If Patrick Henry thought taxation was bad without representation... he should see it with!"

"If truth is beauty, how come no one gets their hair done in the library?"

- Lily Tomlin

"If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?"