One-liners

"It could be worse: there could be 35 teachers for every student."

"It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, until you lose."

"It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows."

- Erma Bombeck

"It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips."

"It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips."

"It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry."

"It sure is easier to get Junior up for school since he got his nose ring."

"It was different when we were kids; in second grade, a teacher came in and gave us all a lecture about not smoking, and then they sent us over to arts and crafts to make ashtrays for Mother's Day."

- Paul Clay

"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water."

- Franklin P. Jones

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy - it's a question of finding a sickness you like."

~Jackie Mason

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy, it's a question of finding a sickness you like."

~Jackie Mason

"It's not a bug - it's just an undocumented feature."

"It's not an optical illusion - it just looks like one."

"It's not me who can't keep a secret it's the people I tell that can't."

- Abraham Lincoln

"It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker."