One-liners

"Only one shopping day left until tomorrow."

"Originality is merely undetected plagiarism."

"Our goal to promote a non-threatening and productive office environment is to establish language that is gender-neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age-neutral while celebrating our spirit of diversity."

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

~ Groucho Marx

"People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that

makes me sick." - Sandra Wilson

"People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick."

"People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first person to have thought of adding fresh lime juice to scalloped potatoes, try to understand that there must be a reason for this."

- Fran Lebowitz

"People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public."

"Philosophers always arrive at the same conclusion: I don't know."

"Political-campaign speeches are like horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between."

"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common - they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason."

"Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other."

- Oscar Ameringer

"Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth."

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

- Rich Cook

"Rain is caused by big, high-pressure areas; cold fronts; warm, moist air; and the first day of your vacation."