One-liners

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."

- Victor Borge

"Santa must be a man because no woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year."

"Save the earth - it's the only planet with chocolate."

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."

"Sign on the door of a marriage license bureau: 'Out to Lunch. Think it over.'"

"Since the creation of the Internet, the Earth's rotation has been fueled, primarily, by the collective spinning of English teachers in their graves."

"Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield."

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant."

"Some people have a way with words - others not have way."

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."

- Rita Rudner

"Stay clear of those folks, Martha; if they get raptured, that car's gonna be all over the road."

"STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward."

"Support the metric system every inch of the way!"

"Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either."

"Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand."