One-liners

"People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first person to have thought of adding fresh lime juice to scalloped potatoes, try to understand that there must be a reason for this."

- Fran Lebowitz

"People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public."

"Philosophers always arrive at the same conclusion: I don't know."

"Political-campaign speeches are like horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between."

"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common - they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason."

"Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other."

- Oscar Ameringer

"Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth."

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

- Rich Cook

"Rain is caused by big, high-pressure areas; cold fronts; warm, moist air; and the first day of your vacation."

"Rain is what makes flowers grow and taxis disappear."

"Rain is what makes flowers grow and taxis disappear."

"Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges."

"Red meat is not bad for you - it's green fuzzy meat that's bad for you"

"Responsibility: Something you should accept if, and only if, they have irrefutable photographic evidence."

"ROME: Catholic theologians now concentrating on Problem of Evil after finally solving a Problem like Maria."