One-liners

"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."

"The world's full of apathy, but I don't care."

"The worst thing about censorship is ****** ** ********!"

"There are 10 types of people in the world; those that understand binary, and those that don't."

"There are more important things in life than money but they won't go out with you if you're broke."

"There aren't enough days in the weekend."

~ Steven Wright

"There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year."

"There's only two more days to procrastinate before Christmas."

"There's too much blood in my caffeine system."

"They have Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now - you call up and it rings and rings but nobody answers."

"They say kids brighten the home - that's because they never turn the lights off."

"Time is Nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once."

"Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician."

"To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!"

"To prevent sagging skin eat 'til the wrinkles fill out."