One-liners

"Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?"

"Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?"

"Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?"

"Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?"

"With high-definition TV everything looks bigger and wider - kind of like going to your 25th high school reunion."

"With sufficient thrust pigs fly just fine."

"Would you like some cheese to go with that whine?"

"You are not a kid anymore when you are obsessed with the thermostat."

- Jeff Foxworthy

"You are not a kid anymore when you are obsessed with the thermostat."

~Jeff Foxworthy

"You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies."

"You can train a cat to do anything it wants to do."

"You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick and your son starts to wipe it off."

"You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway."

"You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot."

"You've got to spend money to lose money."