One-liners

"Who says nothing is impossible - I've been doing nothing for years."

"Whoever said there is no such thing as a stupid question has never worked in customer service."

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."

~Gene Hill

"Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?"

"Why are you driving me crazy when you know it's within walking distance?"

"Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? "

"Why do they call it a drop cloth when the paint usually drops where the cloth ISN'T?"

"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid that someone will clean them?"

"Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?"

"Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?"

"Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?"

"Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?"

"Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?"

"With high-definition TV everything looks bigger and wider - kind of like going to your 25th high school reunion."

"With sufficient thrust pigs fly just fine."