“Everyone is on this low-fat craze now; the Mayo Clinic just changed its name to the Balsamic Vinaigrette Clinic.”
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
“Experience: A comb life gives you after you lose your hair.”
“Fools rush in...and get all the best seats.”
“Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules.”
“He who hesitates is not only lost but is miles from the next exit.”
“Here lies Ezekial Aikle age 102 - the Good Die Young.”
“Here's a joke for all you mind readers out there...”
“He's a fine broth of a boy, too bad some of his noodles are missing.”
“Honk if you're rich, cute, and love horses.”
“How can the world end in 2012 when I have yogurt that expires in 2013?”
“How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?”
“I am Popeye of Borg; prepare to be askimilgrated.”
“I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.”
“I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of the stars and their size and temperatures and all that, but what really gets me is how they find out what their names are!”
“I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.”