One-liners

“If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?”

“If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.”

“If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren't doing much at 20.”

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”

“If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say, ’Help, they've turned me into a parrot’, you are wasting everybody's time.”

“If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.”

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.”

“In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on and this person must be fired.”

“Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids.”

“Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.”

“It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.”

“It must be tough going through life with a short - hey look, there goes a butterfly!”

“It was once said that if you took all of the people who fell asleep in church and laid them end-to-end they would be more comfortable.”

“Keyboard not detected - press F1 to continue.”

“Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.”