“I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.”
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
“I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of the stars and their size and temperatures and all that, but what really gets me is how they find out what their names are!”
“I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.”
“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
~Will Rogers
“I doubt, therefore I might be.”
“I feel sorry for the guy who has to play the world's smallest violin - everybody just thinks he's being sarcastic.”
“I hope I live to be as old as my jokes.”
“I just read that YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are merging - it'll be called You-Twit-Face.”
“I looked at my Christmas tree today and sure enough, I couldn’t see any forests..”
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
- Bernard Manning
“I smile because I have no idea what's going on.”
“I told a girl she drew her eyebrows to high – she looked surprised.”
“I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.”
“I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure.”
“I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our politicians.”