One-liners

“She had her face lifted, but it turned out there was one just like it underneath.”

“Sleep is just an escape for those who cannot handle the hallucinations of insomnia.”

“Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true - some smaller countries are neutral.”

“Stay clear of those folks, Martha; if they get raptured, that car's gonna be all over the road.”

“Studying economics may not give you the answers to serious economic problems, but at least you'll learn to avoid being deceived by economists.”

“Sure, it's the thought that counts, but couldn't people think a little bigger?”

“Teamwork means not having to shoulder all the blame yourself.”

“The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.”

“The difference between chickens and turkeys is that chicken’s celebrate Thanksgiving!!”

“The difference between God and a fighter pilot is that God doesn't think He's a fighter pilot.”

“The early bird still has to eat worms.”

“The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.”

“The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.”

“The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.”

- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“The older I get the better I used to be.”