One-liners

Christmas is weird- what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Cliches are a dime a dozen.

Cliches are a dime a dozen.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Correction -- the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m." Please correct to read "12 noon."

Death to fanatics!

Do you think chickens find a rubber human funny?

Doctors can be frustrating - you wait 6 weeks for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.

Don't fix the blame - fix the problem.

Don't tell God how big your problems are - tell your problems how big your God is.

Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say 'Don't trust anyone over 30.'

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Don't wear your glasses on a blind date - you'll look better, and your date will too.

Employment application blanks always ask 'Who is to be notified in case of an emergency' and I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"