One-liners

My home town was so small that in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

Never use a humongous word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Nina was at the Motor Vehicle Bureau applying for a driver's license filling out the forms. When she came to the line "Color of Hair," she put, "L'oreal Preference 8 1/2B."

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.

On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7.

On the wall of a Baltimore Estate:

Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law - Sisters of Mercy.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Politicians: People who, when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, order more tunnel.

Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.

Research has determined that the shelf life of fruitcake is longer than the shelf.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

~ Victor Borge

Stupidity is like nuclear power: it can be used for good or evil - but you still don't want to get any on you.

The "problem" with today's society, is that; (no one) knows how, to punctuate correctly, anymore?