One-liners

Politicians: People who, when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, order more tunnel.

Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.

Research has determined that the shelf life of fruitcake is longer than the shelf.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

~ Victor Borge

Stupidity is like nuclear power: it can be used for good or evil - but you still don't want to get any on you.

The "problem" with today's society, is that; (no one) knows how, to punctuate correctly, anymore?

The colder the X-ray table the more of you has to be on it.

The first line of the notice said, "Please Take Notice," so I took it.

The meeting of the clairvoyant society has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

The proper response to Good morning, is not Prove it!

The real reason Grandparents and Grandkids get along with each other so well is that they both have a common nemesis.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.

The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time.

- Willie Tyler

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.