One-liners

Beware of buying anything when the manuals are bigger than the equipment.

Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying and he said, "Canned goods and ammunition."

Calories are delicious.

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?

Cats are smarter than dogs - you can't get eight cats to pull a sled thru snow.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Christmas is weird- what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Cliches are a dime a dozen.

Cliches are a dime a dozen.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Correction -- the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m." Please correct to read "12 noon."

Death to fanatics!

Do you think chickens find a rubber human funny?

Doctors can be frustrating - you wait 6 weeks for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.