One-liners

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."

- Calvin and Hobbes - Bill Watterson

"The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money."

- David Richerby

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was."

"The trouble with eating at an all-you-can-eat restaurant is that five or six days later you're hungry again."

"The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!"

"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."

"The world's full of apathy, but I don't care."

"The worst thing about censorship is ****** ** ********!"

"There are 10 types of people in the world; those that understand binary, and those that don't."

"There are more important things in life than money but they won't go out with you if you're broke."

"There aren't enough days in the weekend."

~ Steven Wright

"There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year."

"There's only two more days to procrastinate before Christmas."

"There's too much blood in my caffeine system."

"They have Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now - you call up and it rings and rings but nobody answers."