One-liners

"My wife and I have a system for settling arguments We just talk and talk until she's right."

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and then she stops to breathe."

~ Jimmy Durante

"My wild oats have turned into bran flakes."

"Never do anything that you'd be ashamed to tell a paramedic."

"Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time."

"Never run out of altitude, air speed, & ideas at one time."

"Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent."

"No matter how busy people are, most are never too busy to stop and talk about how busy they are."

"No matter how busy people are, they are never too busy to stop and talk about how busy they are."

"Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes - there's just too much fraternizing with the enemy."

"Nostalgia: A sentiment that combines yesterday's prices and today's incomes."

"Nutrition Facts are too depressing - how about some Nutrition Fiction?"

"Okay, I have a million awesome clip art images. Now what?"

"One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others."

"One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him."