Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
- Mitch Hedberg
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
The trouble with opportunity is ...
it always looks bigger going than coming.
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and the father of a large family!
Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Self-loathing: I hate intolerant people!
The LORD giveth and the government taketh away.
If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.
Middle Age: When a broad mind and a narrow waist change places.
It's true that money talks ... mine just said, "Good-bye!"
Overweight: Living beyond your seams.
Marriage is like strong horseradish; you can praise it and still have tears in your eyes.
The perfect gift for a wife who has everything - a husband who can pay for it!
There's one thing about being bald - it's neat!
My husband and I have a magical relationship - whenever I ask him to do something, he disappears!
To everyone that received a book from me for Christmas, they're due back at the library on Friday.