I don't have grey hair; I have wisdom highlights.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Do we even need Halloween anymore - I've been wearing a mask and eating candy for 18 months...
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My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness; I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
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Prayer is the original wireless communication.
My wife told me I was immature this morning; so I told her to get out of my fort!
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True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
- K. Vonnegut
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I always say "Thank you" to Alexa so that when the machines take over they know I'm nice.
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My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.
The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people
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It amazes me how much "exercise" and "extra fries" sound alike.
The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on Delta flight 963 from LA to Tokyo.
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Do clouds ever look down on us and say that one is shaped like a goober?
My mind still thinks I'm 25; my body thinks my mind is an idiot!
Fish bite twice a day ... before you get there and after you leave.