True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
- K. Vonnegut
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
I always say "Thank you" to Alexa so that when the machines take over they know I'm nice.
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.
The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people
It amazes me how much "exercise" and "extra fries" sound alike.
The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on Delta flight 963 from LA to Tokyo.
Do clouds ever look down on us and say that one is shaped like a goober?
My mind still thinks I'm 25; my body thinks my mind is an idiot!
Fish bite twice a day ... before you get there and after you leave.
Just a warning if you're buying a watch on Amazon - I learned the hard way that if it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim without it.
My son made the mistake of telling me I was being overdramatic so I just changed the WiFi password; we'll see who's overdramatic in about 5 minutes.
Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen; he sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly. Today I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need, not all this, "How did you get in my house" nonsense.
I just got kicked out of the flat earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing rule had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
Based on the amount of laundry I do each week, I'm beginning to think there are people who live here that I haven't met yet.