Never lend money to a friend; it ruins their memory.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.
More money is now spent amusing children than was spent on the education of their grandparents.
- Hits: 1295
One for the money,
two for the show,
three to get ready,
four to go,
and twenty when you get back for the babysitter.
- Hits: 1423
She suffers in silence louder than anyone I know!
Vacation: What you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking all along!
- Hits: 1232
She drives a vehicle that costs $1,000 a mile ... a shopping cart.
She calls her car "flattery" because it gets her nowhere.Overheard: Young bride to friend ...
"I'm glad my parents chose my husband for me; I'd hate to think I'd picked him myself."
- Hits: 1431
He who hesitates is interrupted!
Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.
- Hits: 1341
If at first you DO succeed, try to hide your astonishment!
The only problem with buying a book on amnesia is that you are likely to forget where you put it!
- Hits: 1312
You know children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers.
- Hits: 1272
A dog's life wouldn't be too bad … all a dog has to worry about is the toilet seat falling on it's head.
- Hits: 1286