- Taco Bell's talking dog now reading announcements.
- In Christmas play, Joseph seen drinking can of Coke.
- Greeters all dressed like Mr. Goodwrench.
- Personal pew licenses now sold.
- Baptismals include dolphin show from Sea World.
- Statue of Moses seen holding keys to a Jeep.
- The 12 disciples replaced by Disney characters.
- Scripture verses brought to you by Microsoft Office.
Read more: Signs Your Church has Sold Out to Corporate Sponsors
"You call this a musical?" asked Les miserably.
I'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
There is a new Funny Sign picture on the Cybersalt Site today. I think we have all wanted help with a spider at one time or another in our lives. This note is from a person who was having a hard time getting their mail because of one. You will find "Spider Note" at
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/spider-note
Today, I'm also featuring another video from Knight Designs. A few weeks ago there were some interesting reactions to "How I Beat the Emotional Blocks to Decluttering & Downsizing." Today`s video is "Decluttering: My 7 Top Practical Tips for Getting it Done." I really like that Deedee is practical and kind in how she gives advice and tips on making more space in our lives around us. You can watch this latest one at:
www.cybersalt.org/inspiration/decluttering-my-7-top-practical-tips-for-getting-it-done
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
These notes left for milkmen came from the UK, so you'll notice a slight, endearing British ambiance to them.
"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."
"Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk."
"Cancel one pint after the day after today."
"Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it"
"Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk."
"Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today."
"Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole."
"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."
"Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round."
"When you leave my milk, knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress."
"Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea?"
"My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."
"Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbor told me."
"Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant."
"Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."
"From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk."
"My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight."
"Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday."
"When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk."
"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice."
I was born to be wild, but only until around 9 pm or so.
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me!! Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.
"The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless."
- Unknown
My friend Ida was slowly recovering from a heart attack. "Doctor," she pleaded with her cardiologist, "you must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild's Bar Mitzvah."
"We'll try," he replied compassionately.
In due course Ida gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.
Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. "My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding."
"We'll do our best," he replied.
And my friend happily attended her granddaughter's wedding.
Ten years passed. Ida visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions religiously. One morning she called him. "Doctor," she began, "I'm feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you: Remember how you saw me through to my grandson's bar mitzvah?"
"Yes."
"And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter's wedding?"
"Yes."
"Well, as you know I've just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just bought myself a new mattress."
"Yes?"
"It has a 20-year guarantee..."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
