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Entertainment

Tourist Questions

canada flagHere are some of the "All-Time Dumbest Questions" asked by Banff Park tourists.

On nature...

  • How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?
  • At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
  •  Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk.'"  Tourist: "Oh."
  •  Are the bears with collars tame?
  •  Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
  •  Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
  •  Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
  •  I saw an animal on the way to Banff today ... Could you tell me what it was?
  •  Are there birds in Canada?
  • Travelling Jokes
  • Vacation Jokes
  • Husband Jokes
  • Holiday Jokes
  • Canada Jokes

Read more: Tourist Questions

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4656 - June 27, 2021

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

To Scam or Not to Scam That Is the Phone Call

scam copyOne day this past week, I decided to stay home and catch up on a little bit of reading. It's not often that I take a day and not go to the office and just pander around the house. Sometimes it's necessary to do such a thing, and I don’t do it often enough.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage had a day planned of shopping as well as an appointment at her doctor. She would be gone the whole day, and so I would have the entire day to myself. I was looking forward to it. Who wouldn’t?

I really was mistaken about this idea. For me to have a day by myself is a wonderful idea, but it's still back in Kansas.

The wife just left the building, I had settled down with a stack of books I needed to go through and, of course, a hot cup of coffee to the left of me. I was looking forward to a wonderful day. I sighed a deep sigh and opened up the first book.

Then I got a phone call. I wasn't prepared for the phone call, so I answered, expecting to talk to someone.

It was a reminder that my car warranty had expired, and if I press number 1, I would be transferred to someone who could renew it. They also said that this is the last opportunity I have to renew my warranty.

I want to get the definition of the word "last." If this is the last opportunity I have, why have I received hundreds of these phone calls?

A few moments later, another phone call came.

I wrestle with the idea of, is it okay to lie to someone who is lying to you?

The lady on the phone congratulated me on winning two round-trip tickets to anywhere I wanted to go. All I needed to do was come to their headquarters and they would put us up for three days and two nights, and the food was included.

I don't know how ideas dance into my head, but this one did.

I responded to the lady, “I’m sorry, but my religion does not allow me to fly on airplanes.”

The crickets on the other end did a little concert and then she got back to me and told me that I could give those tickets to anybody I wanted to. All I had to do was to come over to their headquarters, and everything would be fine.

"My religion," I explained, "not only does not permit me to fly on airplanes but does not allow me to give airplane tickets to anybody. I appreciate your offer, but I cannot do it."

Sometimes religion can come in handy. I chuckled to myself the rest of the day. When I'm through chuckling, I will confess my sin.

There were a few other phone calls, and I responded quite similarly to all of them. If anybody can harass a telemarketer, it is my wife's favorite husband.

Then I got a phone call I wasn’t prepared for. This phone call was from Duke Energy.

According to the person on the phone, they sent me four notifications that my account was delinquent and that my electricity would be cut off today.

This sort of rocked my afternoon. If I'm without electricity, what do I do? And you know what it's like to have your electricity reinstated with all the fees.

According to the person on the other end of the phone, I owed Duke energy $998.59 for the last eight months that I have not paid.

If you want to get my attention just tell me you want my money.

“What can I do,” I asked in desperation, “to keep from having my electricity cut off?”

Then I told him I did not have that much money to pay. He was asking for a credit card number so I could get up to date on my account.

“I can help you here,” he said, “by lowering your payment to $698.59.”

He could tell I was hesitating here, and so he responded by saying, "If there is anything wrong, we will be able to refund your payment, so there’s no risk."

Then, I heard in my head, “ding dong, the witch is dead.”

I began to realize I was in the middle of a scam, and I didn't know it. As soon as I thought that, I knew I was in trouble but not the kind of trouble he was telling me.

He gave me a number that I could call, and I knew it wasn't the right number. After I hung up, I looked up my Duke Energy account and called them, and much to my relief, they told me that it was a scam and that my account was up-to-date.

I thought about this, and perhaps this scam was a payment for lying about the airplane tickets. I could have really been had.

Thinking about what I really could have been involved in brought a little spirit of repentance to my heart. I thought about a verse in the Bible. "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” (Galatians 6:7).

When I do negative things, I will reap negative things. And I was about to reap something very negative. But the thing that makes the difference is recognizing it and then repenting.



Mommy Test

child girl 1I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.

"Why?"

"Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs."

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

"Oh."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."



One-Liner #1579

woman laundryBased on the amount of laundry I do each week, I'm beginning to think there are people who live here that I haven't met yet.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Blue Moon

steak 3Some people like raw meat on rare occasions.



Quote #2016

quote 2016

"Children see magic because they look for it."

- Christopher Moore



Consistency

doctorA man goes to consult Dr. Mike Wilson, the most expensive doctor in the city about his medical problem.

After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies Dr. Wilson.

"Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!"

"In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

"Who has that kind of money?"

"Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?"

"I can give you fifty," says the man. "Take it or leave it."

"I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in San Diego if you have no money?"

"Listen, Doctor," says the patient, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive!"


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

To Scam or Not to Scam That Is the Phone Call

scam copyOne day this past week, I decided to stay home and catch up on a little bit of reading. It's not often that I take a day and not go to the office and just pander around the house. Sometimes it's necessary to do such a thing, and I don’t do it often enough.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage had a day planned of shopping as well as an appointment at her doctor. She would be gone the whole day, and so I would have the entire day to myself. I was looking forward to it. Who wouldn’t?

I really was mistaken about this idea. For me to have a day by myself is a wonderful idea, but it's still back in Kansas.

Read more

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Blue Moon

steak 3Some people like raw meat on rare occasions.

  • Food Puns
  • Time Puns

One-Liner #1579

woman laundryBased on the amount of laundry I do each week, I'm beginning to think there are people who live here that I haven't met yet.

  • One-liners
  • Family One-liners
  • Parenting One-liners
  • Logic One-liners
  • Truth One-liners
  • Description One-liners

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4655 - June 24, 2021

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Sleeping FoxOh look, Chicken Thursday!

I've been up all night helping someone with their government site in Italy.

So with sleepy eyes I hope you enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim



Tried and Trusted

bankA wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours."

The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."



One-Liner #1582

man porchMy wife is singing in the house; I'm sitting outside so the neighbors don't think I'm hitting her.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Sister Clothes

nun yellingHave you heard about the latest new drug?

When administered to women, it gives them the irresistible urge to join a convent.

The FDA refuses to approve it, though. They fear it will be habit-forming.



Quote #2019

quote 2019

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.

- G. K. Chesterton



Long Life, Surviving, Aging

woman2When my grandmother was in her late eighties, she decided to move to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all her charts.

The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she gave him the litany of complaints -- this hurts, that's stiff, I'm tired and slower, etc., etc., etc.

He responded with, "Mrs. Siegel, you have to expect things to start deteriorating. After all, who wants to live to 100?"

My grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, "Anyone who's 99."


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

  1. Sister Clothes
  2. One-Liner #1582
  3. Tried and Trusted
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4654 - June 20, 2021

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4705
 

  

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1572

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4705

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1999

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4705

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2059

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

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