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Entertainment

One-Liner #1574

phone3She has the personality of a dial tone.

  • One-liners
  • Phone One-liners
  • Saying One-liners
  • Description One-liners

Turtle Keeper

tortoiseMartin was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the job centre he was offered work at the local zoo.

When he arrived for his first day, the keeper aware of his reputation told him to take care of the tortoise section.

Later, the keeper dropped by to see how Martin was getting on and found him standing by an empty enclosure.

"Where are the tortoises?" he asked him.

"I can't believe it" said Martin. "I just opened the door and then.....Whooooosh!"

  • Employment Jokes
  • Zoo Jokes
  • Animal Jokes

Processing Dregs

woman angry3Microchips: what's left at the bottom of the bag when it reaches you.

  • Snack Puns
  • Food Puns
  • Computer Puns
  • Definition One-liners

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4647 - May 23, 2021

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Chasing Ice - a Huge Glacier Calving EventGrandma Cybersalt learned a new word today - so I did too. The word is liminal, defined in one way by Mirriam-Webster as, "of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition." (I wonder if any of us are *not* in that state right now, given how our world is currently!)

I know I am in a liminal time in my life in regard to the loss of my childhood friend 2 months ago. As confident as I am in the genuiness of Darrell's faith in Jesus, and God's faithfulness and ability to take care of him in eternity, whenever I begin to be comforted by those facts my heart says, "Wait, I'm not ready yet."

One of the great (and hard) features of a such a season is that it provides a pause that lets what has to belong in the past to be left in the past, so that the future can come can as it must and bloom without what is no more. Rushing, or being rushed, too quickly forward from one into the other is a recipe for the emotional disaster.

So, my body may be living in a world without Darrell, but part of my heart is taking a pause before joining it in a this new present. This liminality is protecting me from being torn by a tug of war between the past and the future. And that's OK for a season.

Today's video share may make you feel sad and maybe cry. But being sad and crying is also OK, which is one of the points of the song that these people are filmed listening to.

Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim



What a Teacher Means

children5What a teacher says and what he/she really means.

1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
Really means: He was caught cheating on a test.

2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and vitability.
Really means: The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes.

3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
Really means: He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met.

4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
Really means: The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all quarter.

5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
Really means: The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away.

6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
Really means: Your son needs to stop socializing and start working.

7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
Really means: Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument.

8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
Really means: He's a bully.

9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
Really means: Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond.

10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
Really means: She's so immature that we've run out of diapers.

11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
Really means: He must have written the Whiner's Guide.

12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.
Really means: Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade.

13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
Really means: A mouth that never stops yacking.



One-Liner #1573

golf teeMan blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.



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Cybersalt News


Quote #2010

quote 2010

"The simple things are also the most extraordinary, and only the wise can see them."

- Paulo Coelho



Promises

child and dadA young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time?"

"No," he replied. A whole lot of them begin with "If elected I promise..."


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

What Would the World Be without Apple Fritters?

gift habeshaw Of8C QHqagM unsplash copyStress is not something new in my life or anybody else's, for that matter. The thing about stress is that you never get used to it, or at least I don't. I don't know what I would do if one week I had no stress at all. When that happens, I'll let you know.This past week has not been one of those stress-free weeks. Starting on the very first day of the week, stress poked its nose into my business.

Read more

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

One-Liner #1573

golf teeMan blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.

  • One-liners
  • Golf Jokes
  • Sport One-liners
  1. Sorrow for This Pun
  2. What a Teacher Means
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4646 - May 20, 2021
  4. Clergy Application

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4641
 

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1559

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4641

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  534

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1986

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4641

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2041

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners! 

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

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