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Entertainment

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4658 - July 4, 2021

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone and happy 4th of July to our US subscribers!

The "new" news around Cybersalt World Headquarters is that Grandma Cybersalt and I got our second vaccination yesterday. Back in April we received the AstraZeneca jab, and yesterday we followed up with the Moderna shot. We know we are blessed to be in this position which many in the world are not yet in.  After leaving the vaccination centre we prayed in our car giving thanks to God, also asking Him to advance the end of the pandemic worldwide.

Now for the "old" news - believe it or not, this is my third try to send out the following. I originally wrote it on June 13th, (my mom's 81st birthday) but missed the last step to send the mailing out that day. Then last week I had it lined up to go out but a glitch in the system put a Rev. James Snyder article in place of the news instead.

So here we go again!

Dag Bad DayA few weeks ago, a good friend of mine called me up to review a business call he had just been on. He suspected it had gone poorly, but wanted my opinion. He described the conversation and to make a long story short, yes, it had gone poorly.

My friend was having a bad day.

The next day I was on a phone call with one of my clients and somewhere along the way I realized things had taken a turn for the worse and, try as I could to bring it to a less bumpy landing, it ended in a very bumpy way. A couple of hours later, after regathering my thoughts and myself, I was better able to see my part in the turbulence.

I was having a bad day.

I reminded myself, as I reminded my friend the day before, that there are going to be times in our lives when we don't get something right. We can try to avoid them, but we should still expect them so we aren't totally surprised by them. That way we'll have one less step to take as we move on, making better what we can and the most of what we can't.

Today's video share is of a place where nobody ever has a bad day: Bennu. Don't get too excited, nobody ever has a good day there either!

Click watch to listen the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim



ID Card

id cardThe day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a cute photo of me at age 15. Years later, when I went to the courthouse to become a citizen, a clerk confiscated my card.

"What will you do with it?" my wife asked.

"We burn it," was the answer.

"Could you please cut the photo off and let us keep it?" asked my wife.

"Certainly not," said the clerk. "This card is official U.S. government property. As such it cannot be mutilated before it's destroyed."



One-Liner #1584

breakfastIf I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need, not all this, "How did you get in my house" nonsense.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Anthem Pun

flag usaWhen young José, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale.

Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, José wrote home enthusiastically about his experience.

"And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded.

"Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, 'José, can you see?'"



Quote #2021

quote 2021

"I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom."

- Bob Dylan



Consideration

flower in vaseFlying home after visiting her daughter in England, a woman arranged to have her husband meet her plane at the Vancouver, B.C., airport. This meant a stop at the border crossing between the United States and Canada, where her husband was asked,

"What is your reason for entering the country?" and "How long are you planning to stay?"

He replied that he was picking his wife up at the airport after her trip to England.

Without missing a beat, the guard asked two more questions in the same business-like tone:

"Is the house clean?" and "Are there fresh flowers on the table?"


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

It’s My Tongue I’ll Wag It If I Want To

man 794514 640Like everybody else, I have my share of trouble. It’s not that I want to get into trouble, but trouble always seems to be somewhere near where I am at the time. I regret that time when I was first introduced to trouble.

Some trouble I can't prevent. It just happens, and no matter what I do, trouble is in the room. I don't think there's anything I can do about that, but I hope the trouble will not be that bad.

I know some people in my family get into trouble on purpose. The grand goal of their life is to get into trouble on a variety of levels. Back in the day, when we had family reunions, this person, which will remain anonymous, did everything he possibly could to make trouble.

Read more

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

One-Liner #1584

breakfastIf I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need, not all this, "How did you get in my house" nonsense.

  • One-liners
  • Breakfast One-liners
  • Cooking One-liners
  • Bed One-liners

ID Card

id cardThe day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a cute photo of me at age 15. Years later, when I went to the courthouse to become a citizen, a clerk confiscated my card.

"What will you do with it?" my wife asked.

"We burn it," was the answer.

"Could you please cut the photo off and let us keep it?" asked my wife.

"Certainly not," said the clerk. "This card is official U.S. government property. As such it cannot be mutilated before it's destroyed."

  • Clean Jokes
  • Legal Jokes
  • Bureaucracy Jokes

Anthem Pun

flag usaWhen young José, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale.

Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, José wrote home enthusiastically about his experience.

"And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded.

"Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, 'José, can you see?'"

  • Clean Puns
  • Music Puns
  • Baseball Jokes
  • Name Puns

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4657 - July 1, 2021

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Sleeping FoxOh look, Chicken Thursday!

Last week's PearlyGates joke (www.cybersalt.org/pearly-gates-jokes/stamp-quality) was about Stalin complaining about the quality of a stamp bearing his image. Thanks to subscribers Pastor Mary S., Lance C., and David T., for noticing and letting me know I had included an image of a stamp with Lenin by mistake.

First of all, I'm impressed that each of you three has such a keen eye for Russian leaders!

Next, to those who did not notice, rest assured I have reported Mary, Lance, and David to Homeland security.

Finally, I must say I am surprised I made that mistake because Lenin is my favourite Beatle!

Today's video share is a cool time lapse of 2004-2008 dome growth of Mount St Helens. Remember, just because something looks like it isn't moving, doesn't mean it isn't moving!

Click here to watch the video.

~ Pastor Tim



Tourist Questions

canada flagHere are some of the "All-Time Dumbest Questions" asked by Banff Park tourists.

On nature...

  • How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?
  • At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
  •  Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk.'"  Tourist: "Oh."
  •  Are the bears with collars tame?
  •  Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
  •  Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
  •  Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
  •  I saw an animal on the way to Banff today ... Could you tell me what it was?
  •  Are there birds in Canada?

On geography...

  • Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? (while standing in the middle of Banff!)
  • Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?
  • Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?
  • Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?
  • If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?
  • Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields?
  • How far is Banff from Canada?
  • What's the best way to see Canada in a day?

On tourist facilities...

  • Do they search you at the B.C. border?
  • When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds?
  • Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they?
  • Are there phones in Banff?
  • So it's eight kilometers away... is that in miles? We're on the decibel system you know.
  • Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??
  • Is that 2 kilometers by foot or by car?
  • Don't you Canadians know anything?


One-Liner #1583

earth flatI just got kicked out of the flat earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing rule had pushed anyone over the edge yet.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Aussie Cables

kangaroos 3“Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.”



Quote #2020

quote 2020

"I am struck by how sharing our weakness and difficulties is more nourishing to others than sharing our qualities and successes."

- Jean Vanier



Scientific Advances

space shuttleWhile I was employed by a private corporation and assigned to the space-shuttle program, my job included ordering supplies.

One of the engineers asked me to get a new dictionary for him. The request form said, "State reason this item is needed," so I asked him why he wanted one.

I expected his answer would be "My old copy is lost" or "The cover is falling off." Instead he replied, "My edition defines spaceship as an 'imaginary aircraft.'"

He got his new dictionary.


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

  1. On Star Locks
  2. One-Liner #1583
  3. Aussie Cables
  4. Tourist Questions

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4733
 

  

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1572

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4733

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  2005

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4733

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2065

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

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