Entertainment

A travel agent said to his customer, "I can get you three days and two nights in Rome for a hundred bucks."

"How come so cheap?" replied the customer.

The travel agent told her, "The days are July 11, 12 and 13. The nights are July 21 and 22."

Cholesterophobia: The fear of frying.

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

There is a new devotional from Rev. Suneel Barkat on the Cybersalt Site (link below). Thanks to Cybersaltine Walter M. for helping with editing this after it's translation from Urdu.

Today's video share is the trailer for an upcoming Netflix documentary. "Island of the Sea Wolves" is about the island I live on! You will find the video on the page that opens with the link below.
Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

 Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture," and their other announcements, a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, please contact a member of the flight crew and they will escort you to the wing of the airplane."

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight...!"

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that I'm sure that everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two small children, decide now which one you love more. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady, walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silent, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the parkade; that is wrong on so many levels.

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Most auto accidents are caused by a mechanical fault - the loose nut behind the steering wheel.

"In school they told me 'Practice makes perfect.' And then they told me that nobody is perfect, so then I stopped practicing."

- Steven Wright

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.

"I'm going to a lecture," the man said.

"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.

"My wife," said the man.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. Suneel Barkat . . . . 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

According to Dr. Billy Graham, he used to read five Psalms every day- that taught him how to get along with God. Then he read a chapter of Proverbs every day, and that taught him how to get along with his fellow man.

Martin Luther says the book of the Psalms is a little Bible that is the door of worship. When we open this door we find ourselves in the worship of the Lord.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

An old Irish man is lying in bed, very ill.  His son is sitting at his bedside, expecting the end to come at any moment.  The old man looks up at the boy and says, "Son, it's time for you to get me a Protestant minister."

The son is astounded.  "But, Dad!" he protests, "You've been a good Catholic all you life!  You're delirious.  It's a priest ye be wanting now, not a minister."